Really, I don't think you want inside my head. I've never felt more screwed up...or I guess I should say - uncertain. Everything in my life right now is uncertain. Everything. I'm not the type of girl to cry a lot....but I've cried more the past few weeks than I have in the past two years. Anything (and I mean ANYTHING) will set me off. I take a shower....I cry. I drop the kids off at school....I cry. I sit here blogging....I cry.
I am learning a lot about myself lately. I keep myself busy. Because if I am busy, I don't have time to think about all of the uncertainties. Oh, there's that word again....uncertainties. Right now, we have about 4 major decisions based on ONE THING. And of course that ONE THING is up in the air. You know I would give details if I could. But I can't. So....we wait. And until this ONE THING is answered, we have a lot of uncertainties. Until this ONE THING is answered....I cry. I cry a lot.
Today I noticed that I hadn't blogged since Monday....and I cried. I miss being all stupid and blogging about stupid/nonsense stuff. I miss my old self. I miss the days where I didn't cry. I miss the days of dropping my kids off at school with a smile on my face. I miss the days when my daughter prayed and she did NOT pray she wished she was going to her old school.
This too shall pass, right? Lord willing, all of the uncertainties, will be certain....and I will go back to my normal self. Or maybe it will be a new normal....but I like normal. I don't like uncertainties.
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Wednesday, September 9, 2009
Inside my head
Written by The Drama Mama on Wednesday, September 09, 2009
filing cabinet: prayer request, tired Mommy
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17 comment(s):
May that ONE THING be settled quickly so you can feel more at ease with life again... :o)
Ok I hear you and kind of feel wear you are going , I FEEL THE Same way especially about certain topics, I will personaly e-mail later , you cause I feel what you are going through > raf my husband was in the Army, for quite some time and jobs came and they were well not near me my vision for myself & my family and it killed me to make a decision to carry on with out them that deals way of life changes all becaue I WAS NOT READY , TO MOVE AWAY from the people who I'm close with more then any thing or any one else. life sucks to be honest and we have to make decisions that we do not like or want to do. I hope That God gives you answers in this storm and that it passes. and with those answers there is peace in the storm . Iam so sorry to hear you are in pain , and that you have a plate bigger then you want to chew @ this time. TRUST ME i know more then any one about changes and decisions and it is too hard to do on your own , you feel like you hit rock botton and you are broken no one understands but God loves you even when you think your world will end Jesus is there to pick up the broken pieces and help fit that broken puzzle to make it whole again . I pray for you to become yourself again , i will e-mail you later hugs michelle
Oh, sweet friend. I hate that you are in this place right now. Praying for peace, answers, guidance, and comfort!
this too shall definitely pass!! Do not loose hope!
Bring me joy, bring me peace
Bring the chance to be free
Bring me anything that brings
You glory And I know there'll
be days When this life brings me pain
But if that's what it takes to
praise You Jesus, bring the rain
Praying for you. Saw sweet little Ky today at Bible Study.
I'm praying for your family and for direction in this time. I'm definitely praying for you, girl.
xo
Oh, my precious Hollie........ I wish you were not going through so much right now. Just look to the Lord as I know you do daily. Hopefully the He will reveal what his plans are for you very soon..but you know it will be done in His time not yours. You know your family is here for you at a moments notice. I love you.
Mom
Thinking of you & praying for you & the decisions ahead!
Hollie,
Please know that I am feeling your pain, and I wish I could lighten your load...I can only say, "I Love You", but I know God loves you more than all of us. I pray for His unexplicable peace to bathe your life today.
I am praying for you, friend. Know you are loved!
Awwwwww sweetie, hugging you from afar! Praying for some peace of mind right now. Love you girl!
Praying for clarity, guidance and most of all peace with his plan for your family.
Dearest Hollie,
Be patient, be wise, have faith in your loved ones and in God. "Change" can be good - can help you and your family grow in ways you never imagined...and when you get used to that change...another will come along, and then another - which is all part of life and growing to be who He knows you can be. Hang in there - we love you - Grancy
I want you to hear me darlin, so I'll say it real loud: YOU ARE NOT ALONE!! Did you hear me? I'll say it again - YOU ARE NOT ALONE!! We are all here for you, and although I don't know what you're struggling with, just know that sometimes the things that seem so AWFUL turn out to be a huge gift. Just remember what I'm telling you please. You have a tremendous support system here and above. Lean on it.
We love you!
Lisa
I am so sorry you are going through this difficult time. I am sending prayers and please let me know if there is anything I can do or if you just need someone to talk to.
I may have asked you before, but I am not sure.. where about do you live in Texas?
Thanks for sharing that info with me about my post!! When I say blue spell aka tet spell.. it is common with heart babies, not even common it is normal with heart babies. Most heart conditions affect the childs oxygen.. it is usually not a normal level and can get very low and that is one reason for the surgery you hear about these babies having (well some). So when they already have lower oxygen.. crying can really make it drop.. and cause a blue spell or tet spell and this is where the child would quite breathing and they would need medical attention immeditaley. It's one of the most important things us heart moms have to watch out for. I was not familiar with the name you mentioned when your daughter passes out.. that actually sounds like something I went through when I was a child. I would always have these moments.. usually in the mornings and just pass out. It did get to the point where I could tell it was going to happen.. pass out.. then I would wake up in less than 5 minutes. I am defintely going to read about that. My mom would take me to the dr. but they never could give us an explanation for it.. and as I grew older it slowly came to an end. I have not have one in years. I really hope this is the case for her, it was very scary, I cannot tell you how many times I have passed out and hit my head on chairs falling, the floor, etc. How often does your little girl have these? Just curious.
Sending hugs and prayers!!
Hollie, I've started and stopped this comment many times but never could seem to get my thoughts to flow in an intelligible manner. I still don't know if they necessarily do but I'm gonna give it a shot anyway.
All of the answers to all of our problems are in His Word. I know in the midst of a trial or tribulation, it's not always easy to crack open the Good Book and search for those answers but He promises that if we ask, it will be given to us. If we seek, we will find. And if we knock, the door will be opened to us. Now, of course, this only applies to our desires that are in the Will of God. He's not going to give us something that is contrary to His Word. However, if they are in-line, He further promises that everyone who asks receives, who seeks finds and who knocks, the door will be opened.
He doesn't promise that the answers will come fast. In fact, what I glean from these passages is that we have to be tenacious and persistent. He doesn't simply say ask. He says ask, seek, knock. It implies a progressive intensity. Like a child who asks for a cookie with no response from her Dad. Then she follows him around the house asking, "Dad, can I have a cookie? Can I have a cookie, Dad? Daddy! Can I have a cookie?". And with still no answer she tugs several times on his shirt tail. And he lovingly answers, "Darlin', not only can you have a cookie but enjoy it with this glass of milk."
I'm praying for y'all.
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