Thoughts

I am officially a mess, so I decided to do a bullet-point-style post....I seem to work better that way these days.

* No word on Husband's deployment. They did call two days ago to say that they have received all of his papers and the processing time to review and make a decision is one week. The latest we would hear something would be Sept. 25th. If his filed exemption is denied, he will leave Oct. 4th.

* It still doesn't seem real that I am typing the above sentences.

* Where did the 'old' Hollie go? I seem to have lost myself.

* I've had hard times in my life before, but this is by far the worst time...ever.

* I have faith that everything is going to work out and be just fine, so why do I feel so bad, 'blah', empty? Does that mean that I really don't have faith?....I sure thought I did.

* Yesterday, Kole pointed to me in the car and said, 'what is wrong with you?'. My cover is blown. I no longer can 'pretend' everything is OK around my kids...I guess I wasn't doing a good job at it anyway. I won't lie to them, so I just told him I was stressed. Definitely not a lie...very stressed.

* Kylie talks 24/7. Literally. And she is on this kick with saying peoples real names...and she has discovered that my name is Hollie....she thinks she's so big IS so big!

* My back hurts ALL. THE. TIME. I'm thinking the last procedure a month ago didn't help. I can't explain it, but I think the pain is actually worse. I go to the doc today, so pray for answers. I need at least one problem to go away.

* Husband gave me a gift card for our anniversary and I got a new lens for my camera...I love it. I haven't played with it enough to work it really well (it is manual focus...YIKES!), but it has put a smile on my face a few times.

* The day after I posted this, I decided I would get out of the house to go purchase above mentioned camera lens and after returning to the car, I discovered it would not start and I was stranded at the camera store. Remember, don't ever say it can't get worse.....and thank GOD for nice camera man worker who got me jumped so me and my two year old could get out of dodge!

* I woke up this morning and asked God to give me one little blessing today that would encourage me. One little thing, Lord....please?

* I thank God for my family and friends...I couldn't do this without you {ALL OF YOU}. Annie & Lindz, thank you for being there for me any second of the day that I need you. You guys are precious to me and I think you for listening and doing whatever it takes to be there and encourage me. I love you!

* Things that make me smile:

Lindz for encouraging me to go with her to get a pedicure. This little man slept the entire time (and it was time to eat!)...he is so beautiful.



And Ky pretended she was a worker doing my pedicure...



Friends who get me out for dinner...YOU GUYS ARE AMAZING! YES, Lindz had a baby just TWO very short weeks ago {sickening}, YES Annie is 9 months preggo {again, sickening}....AND YES, Alex has to be one of the most real, encouraging peeps I know....I am so proud to call you guys 'friend'!



Alex and I decided that Annie needed to have a side shot of baby Will before he makes his appearance...she will be glad she has it later on!



And if it ever stops raining I will show you the new outfit that I bought Zippy....it just makes me smile. It is pure SASS! I'd like to take her outside and and do a little photo shoot with my new lens (which also makes me smile), but we may have to settle for an inside photo shoot instead...POOPY RAIN!

PLEASE KEEP PRAYING FOR ME...well, pray for ALL OF US. But going ahead and throw in an extra (or 14 extra) prayers in there for me...I need them.